Anyway, I'm Sara. I'm currently sort of pre-diagnosed with fibromyalgia if that makes any sense. I woke up one day in so much pain. Pain comparable on the (ridiculous) pain scale to the (unintended) natural childbirth of my son. Agony. My husband and I thought maybe I had a stroke. My face wouldn't move right, the left side of my body was frozen, and I hurt so bad. I don't remember a whole lot of that day-and that's probably a good thing. It didn't stop. I literally woke up one day with pain and other seemingly weird symptoms and it didn't stop. My world was forever changed overnight. I had had symptoms before that coincided with hormonal changes, which apparently-according to my Nuerologist-can cause neurological symptoms to flare. When I had my last child, I had some strange pain on and off after her birth. When I had my hysterectomy that left one ovary, I had symptoms for a few months that went away. This last surgery, the removal of my remaining ovary, sent me into this spiral. It didn't stop this time though. I try to be thankful for what I have and I am so utterly grateful for the Spoonie community. I really don't know what I would do without them.
Today is a rough day. I felt pretty amazing. I did my makeup, put real clothes on, and left the house. I hadn't done these things in days. My energy was quickly zapped. I had a few anxious and disappointing situations that took away some spoons. I went to one of my favorite places to get an order for my little business. I came home and did dishes. I crashed. This is more than I'd done in days so maybe I should be happy. I want more. I miss the me I was just a year ago. I don't usually feel this angry about it. I try to be thankful for one thing for every bad thing. Find the silver lining. I'm mad. What did I do to deserve this? I have overcome so much-just to be given this?! How is this fair to my kids, my husband. All the things I had going on, all my dreams and hopes. They all use too much energy. I know it could be worse. I do. That's all I got for now. Thanks for reading
