I miss sleep and other random things

Oh how I miss sleep. Real sleep. The kind I had before I got sick. I awoke too early this morning with foot pain-it felt like they were fractured and it was awful to walk to the bathroom. The feet then went numb and the toenails on one turned blue shortly after. Neat! No. Not cool, body. I will not call my primary care doctor (the only doc I have close by) because, well, he's an idiot. He kept insisting my blue nails (when I had them) were "because of my new jeans" I haven't worn jeans in almost 2 years. I discovered leggings and yoga pants. I also tried to remove the blue with nail polish remover. I've since learned that this isn't so uncommon so I know not to freak out. I'm running on coffee again today. Every day this week. My kids (9 and 6) had been home all week due to being sick. I'm so happy they went back to school today. I love them, I do, so much, but I need some daytime R and R. I won't get it, but it sounds nice. Next week is spring break for them-how will I do that?! Then baseball starts-how will I do that? I know I just will, but it won't be like last year. I mourn for that. Anyway, it is Friday which means coffee with my dear friend M. That's all my sleep deprived brain can type right now

Intro? Sorta?

I'm new to this blogging stuff so bear with me! I like to vlog but sometimes I just can't or they won't upload and I suck at editing. 

Anyway, I'm Sara. I'm currently sort of pre-diagnosed with fibromyalgia if that makes any sense. I woke up one day in so much pain. Pain comparable on the (ridiculous) pain scale to the (unintended) natural childbirth of my son. Agony. My husband and I thought maybe I had a stroke. My face wouldn't move right, the left side of my body was frozen, and I hurt so bad. I don't remember a whole lot of that day-and that's probably a good thing. It didn't stop. I literally woke up one day with pain and other seemingly weird symptoms and it didn't stop. My world was forever changed overnight. I had had symptoms before that coincided with hormonal changes, which apparently-according to my Nuerologist-can cause neurological symptoms to flare. When I had my last child, I had some strange pain on and off after her birth. When I had my hysterectomy that left one ovary, I had symptoms for a few months that went away. This last surgery, the removal of my remaining ovary, sent me into this spiral. It didn't stop this time though. I try to be thankful for what I have and I am so utterly grateful for the Spoonie community. I really don't know what I would do without them. 

Today is a rough day. I felt pretty amazing. I did my makeup, put real clothes on, and left the house. I hadn't done these things in days. My energy was quickly zapped. I had a few anxious and disappointing situations that took away some spoons. I went to one of my favorite places to get an order for my little business. I came home and did dishes. I crashed. This is more than I'd done in days so maybe I should be happy. I want more. I miss the me I was just a year ago. I don't usually feel this angry about it. I try to be thankful for one thing for every bad thing. Find the silver lining. I'm mad. What did I do to deserve this? I have overcome so much-just to be given this?! How is this fair to my kids, my husband. All the things I had going on, all my dreams and hopes. They all use too much energy. I know it could be worse. I do. That's all I got for now. Thanks for reading